I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
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I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
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With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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