Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
