So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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