I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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