theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
It's just like the Real World with babies
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
