Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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