if i died would you start the facebook group?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
