He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
