I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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