Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
