fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
