Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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