I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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