make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
