they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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