my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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