I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
