The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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