I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
