yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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