Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
