Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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