i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
