dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
