exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
