The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
