Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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