I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
