Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Naked Twister starts at high noon
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
