Tell her she can't have a vagina
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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