i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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