meet me or not, i'm out of control
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I have so many feelings about this burrito
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