He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
