The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
