Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
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