I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
