Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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