i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
