he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
