and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
