He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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