Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize