You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
why didn't you poke me back
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I don't deserve a penis
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
