i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
