OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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