next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
