I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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