There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
