her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
