did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
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I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
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I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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