I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Are we still banned from the library?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
