Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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