I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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