okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
sex in a hospital.. check
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
