made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
