I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
