I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
