yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
