Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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